Episode 14 is the story of how Martiniquan – American newlyweds Nathalie and Casey quickly figured out if they were a good match for each other by openly discussing their dealbreakers and cultures using humor and vulnerability.
Nathalie from Martinique self identifies herself as French Caribbean African-American and grew up in a warm and loving, French speaking, strict but competitive Martiniquan household where, “children should be seen but not heard.” She grew up listening to Zouk music and playing NCAA Division 1 soccer, following in the footsteps of her father who friends referred to him as Pelé.
Casey grew up a black American household with a strong work ethic. His grandparents were a blue collar family from the deep South, who worked for General Motors. His father joined the United military service, which gave his family better economic opportunities and allowed them to travel the world.
We talk about:
- Growing up in a dual language Martiniquan household vs. growing up in a black American family household
- Growing up in a strict but loving French Caribbean household
- How Nathalie and Casey met and how a belly bump set the tone for their relationship
- Openly discussing relationship deal breakers as a Martiniquan couple
- How Nathalie and Casey figured out if they would be a good Martiniquan couple by being completely vulnerable and honest and communicating about everything
Nathalie + Casey share:
- 20:20 – You may have cultural differences, you may have said things that are different, but there are a lot of things that are going to be the same. If your family is close and tight-knit and if those are the things that you’re going to have as a non deal breaker, those are the things you’ve got to look for in them. But, if you know their family is not close and tight-knit and yours is or vice versa, that’s when you know to leave that alone.
- 34:31 – Sometimes you may not necessarily agree wholeheartedly on politics and religion and family and those things, but figure out what your deal breakers are as an individual. If you know for fact that regardless of 20, 36, 42 years from now, you cannot stand the person being around you because of this, then don’t do it.
- 35:43 – Find your deal breaker and make sure you talk about the future, make sure you talk about your finances. Don’t keep things in the dark from each other because at some point in time in the relationship it will come to light. So just be honest with each other and put it all out there, and if a person’s going to love you, they’re going to love you for everything.
- 36:44 – You have gotta be willing to take the person’s flaws and accept them. Accept your deal breakers and then roll them out.
- 46:00 – If life was easy, everybody would be doing it. That’s how I see it, so you might as well enjoy it.