In Episode 25, I talk to Edit Vasadi and Adam about how they learned to communicate better in their multicultural marriage.
Communication in any relationship can be challenging when you speak the same language, but what happens when you’re studying abroad in a country where you don’t know the language and meet your future spouse, who speaks a completely different language?
Episode 25 is the multicultural Hungarian – American love story of Edit and Adam. Edit Vasadi is a wedding photographer based in Phoenix, Arizona who, like myself, has a passion for telling stories of multicultural couples just like her relationship with her husband Adam.
Edit was born in Serbia and moved to Italy, where she met Adam and Adam was born in Southern Idaho in America and traveled to Italy to study cars. They met, got married and now have two daughters Miura and Sofia, age 3 and 8 years old.
Heritages: Edit Vasadi is Hungarian and Adam is American.
We talk about the following:
- The experience of living abroad in Italy and having to learn a new language and culture
- The experience of being in a long distance, multicultural, multilingual relationship
- What communication looks like when you both don’t speak each other’s language
- How to figure out how to communicate one’s needs, feelings and intentions better to your spouse
- How Adam and Edit fought for their marriage after being separated and on the verge of a divorce
- How they teach their children about their different cultural traditions
- The importance of raising one’s children to be bilingual when you are in a multicultural relationship
- Advice on cultivating better communication with your spouse
Adam + Edit Vasadi share:
- 39:02 – When our daughter arrived, I was not prepared for that. I wasn’t emotionally ready. I didn’t totally understand what I was responsible for, what was going to be expected from me. So when Edit was going through hard times, when she was stuck at home alone and making all kinds of sacrifices, that was my opportunity to stand up and recognize that and be there for her. And I just wasn’t. I was like: we have a kid now, this is just the way things are. I was not being very sensitive to what she was going through. That just continued to push us further and further apart because the less I would understand, the more she would try to get me to understand, which was frustrating for me. The harder she tried, the less I tried.
- 45:42 – There’s accepting and asking for help, accepting and asking for feedback on almost every single thing you do, just to be sure that what you’re doing reflects your intentions. The other thing is what you surround yourself with, the people you’re surrounded by. You have to surround yourself by people who will make you better, be honest with you and call you out when you make a very bad choice. You need to have that reinforcement in your life all the time because marriage is not easy. You have to work really, really hard and having that outside reinforcement to keep you going in the right direction is so important.
- 49:49 – I want our daughters to have similar experiences to what we had. When I look back, going to Hungary was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done, the scariest thing I’ve ever done and I want them to be able to have those same experiences. If they are more well rounded culturally and if they know a handful of languages, they’ll be able to make the scary choices and possibly come out the other side more successful.
- 58:07 – I think that the highlights of our relationship are when we travel, for some reason Edit and I click. I think because we bring different perspectives so when we go someplace, like you know, we just went to Prague someplace neither of us had ever been. We don’t speak Czech, completely out of our element… there are certain things I’m good at and certain things she’s good at and we’re able to just collaborate and just make it the most enjoyable experience that we possibly can. And there’s something magical about it.
- 1:00:00 – Making your intentions known, especially when there’s a lack of communication or a potential communication breakdown, when languages are conflicting then you just have to say what you mean. Don’t leave anything open for interpretation. Just say it. Say it respectfully, but just say what it is that you want and what it is that you mean.
- 1:06:00 – It’s normal to struggle through hard times. A question is how you get through it, to accept other people’s mistakes and make it part of your relationship. It’s not something you should be ashamed of and not talk, but talk about it because it just makes your relationship stronger.
Get to know Edit Vasadi
Edit Vasadi + Adam’s Favorites
- BOOK: Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration by Ed Catmull
- MOVIE: Toy Story
- MOVIE: The Wizard of Oz
- MUSIC: Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody
- MUSIC: Elton John
- MUSIC: Avicii
- MUSIC: Remember Me from the movie Coco